Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only thing I miss about going to the movies is smuggling in an entire 4 course meal

   Tag every baby photo you see on on Facebook as Verne Troyer.

   Remember when a blue moon was a rare and romantic thing, and now it’s probably something terrible on Urban Dictionary?

   I'm looking at the bright side of having 10 people or less over for Thanksgiving. More turkey for me!

   If rubbing toast crumbs off your face counts as exfoliating, then yes, I exfoliate every day.

   Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.

   there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?

   I say, Tiffany Cormier has some pretty interesting things to say.

   "You complete me" ~ Me talking to my phone charger.

   When people say; I was thinking, Most weren't really.

   :) Fun fact: Coca cola (coke) and other cola drinks would be green if not for the caramel coloring they add to it.

   OK. So I danced like no one was watching. I need bail money.

   A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!

   Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

   My awkward silences are just warm up for my awkward conversations.

   My goal for 2018 is to accomplish goals of 2017,which I should have done in 2016,cause I promised them in 2015 and planned them in 2015

   Apparently these new inkjet cartridges were improved to show that the printer is already out of ink

   Ya know, people use to come to Facebook to air their dirty laundry...Now they're coming here to air themselves eating laundry pods...The irony!!

   You people can keep blaming your weight or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself, most of you were Fat in December too

   If you don't know them personally. Don't take what they say personally.