Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I reenacted the romantic scene from "Lady and the Tramp", but it wasn't what I expected; my dog ate all the spaghetti.
←Rate | 02-02-2017 17:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the heck up". And now we wonder why so many kids feel like they need everything...
←Rate | 03-08-2017 14:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actors in movies kiss each other for like 10 seasons and don't fall in love but when someone likes my profile pic, I think about it for like 5 months.
←Rate | 03-12-2017 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon St Patrick's Day taught me a valuable lesson, I'm not young enough to drink anymore.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I'm about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up. .
←Rate | 03-21-2017 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 3 things I don't like: 1. Focusing on things I don't like 2. Lists 3. Irony
←Rate | 03-22-2017 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
←Rate | 03-25-2017 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 21:16 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I now have 921 friends on my friends list and I just wanted to let you know that you are all awesome people and I love each and everyone of you!!! <3 Except #631
←Rate | 11-15-2018 22:19 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to set your bathroom scale back 15 pounds before eating your Thanksgiving dinner. Happy Thanksgiving :-)
←Rate | 11-18-2018 14:49 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always choose a proctologist with a good butt-side manner.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 14:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ha ha suckas....Pie and Cake are safer to eat than salad!
←Rate | 11-21-2018 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after Deer .
←Rate | 11-28-2018 16:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Surely not EVERYBODY was Kung Fu Fighting.
←Rate | 12-01-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The subtle art of knowing better but doing it anyway.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 22:15 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Nightmare on Elm Street is a Christmas movie. Freddy wears a red and green sweater, and gives parents the gift of taking away their crippling financial burden.
←Rate | 12-05-2018 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grandfather use to say "Don't believe everything you hear." which was good advice...... Or was it ?
←Rate | 12-14-2018 04:12 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Advice for those people who want to discuss politics tomorrow at the dinner table... Just don't
←Rate | 12-24-2018 22:06 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire...
←Rate | 02-03-2019 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 02-03-2019 11:56 Comments (0)  




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