Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just got my jury duty check. Time to cash this bad boy and rock the sh*t out of the dollar store! Woooo!

   Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.

   Sometimes, I just want to copy someone else's status word for word just to see if they would notice..

   Drive careful studies show that 89% of all people are caused by accidents

   sometimes when I'm alone I Google myself.

   Take a lesson from the weather. Learn to be talked about without responding.

   People who gossip need to get their own life, those who listen and believe it need to get a life.

   True friends stab you in the front!

   Brett Favre just sent me an inappropriate text message....I guess it's not that big a deal...I'll just wait two years before I tell anybody... Yea...

   when I was younger I thought it was so important that I impress my peers, now that I am older it is amazing how much those people really don't matter.

   There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Ones who make things happen, ones who watch things happen, and ones who wondered what happened.....

   I've gone to bed like 6 times tonight and I've ended up on Facebook every time.

   You were born as an original. Don't die as a copy

   Fact: If a person thinks they're big enough to stick their nose in someone else's buisness, be big enough to take it when it gets bitten off!

   Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

   If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.

   Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

   Many Jägerbombs = (Good Times + Memory Loss) / (Loss of Balance - Contents of Stomach * Hangover^115)

   currently in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

   I know when I'm cranky, because everyone around me starts acting like idiots.