Snotty Funny Status Messages

   I feel like I haven't seen Lady Gaga wearing a hat of various meats and cheeses in a long time................. Hope she's ok

   Paula Deen would like everyone to know she is sincerely sorry that there are other races.

   Even if they sold ten-ply toilet paper, I would still fold it at least twice,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I have trust issues.

   COWORKER: Got a minute?.... ME: Sigh,,,, (Puts "Days Without Being Annoyed By Idiots" sign on desk to 0) Sure,,, What's up?

   Kitchen utensil theft...................... it's not worth the whisk.

   LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The guy that wrote the script for "Gremlins" originally meant it as a documentary about having kids

   Son, we're Irish,,,,,, So technically every one of your ribs is a McRib

   If you were cyberbullied by me or my gang on the wii tennis forums,,,, I apologize. I have grown a lot since then.

   I want to do a post about a pirate dating site called e-Yarrrmony,,, but the process is too arrrduous

   The first rule of plagiarism club looks familiar

   Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I'm trying to update my e-harmony profile

   What,,Are you a weekly magazine?,,,,, You've got ALOT of issues

   I'm taking my two beautiful children home from Disney World...... I'm leaving the two ugly ones there.

   Free range chicken, because freedom is delicious.

   UGHhhh,, Spelling errors agrevated me SO much,,,, Just mix up two letters and your whole post is urined

   I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can double park anywhere.

   I'm just surprised Superman didn't step in to prevent them from rebooting the Superman franchise again.

   Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid,, and flipped hamburgers,, and talked to purple blobby things.

   FUN SCIENCE FACT: When an Australian reads a really stupid post,,,, They roll their eyes counterclockwise

   My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.