doc noland Funny Status Messages
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For the price of a one year membership to the gym, I can replace my entire wardrobe with larger clothes
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"I had one stuffy nostril and one runny nostril..." is how I'm starting tonights suicide note
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Perpetually looking for things I misplaced.
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"I know, baby, I'm lonley too" I whiper to the no show sock as we search for its mate.
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The wind just blew a plactic bag away from me at this table and down the sidewalk. "That one's on you, Mother Earth."
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Pollen? Web MD says I have Funky Cold Medina.
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Just made up my own personal yoga pose called "Downward Life Spiral".
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I hope he buys you flour, I hope he greases your pan.
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I think of my whole day as "puttering around before bed".
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After deep thought and years of studying the language... Am I correct in thinking that zoom a zoom zoomin in a boom boom is indeed, penetrating a butthole?
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I just f@rted so hard, my bluetooth rattled and my phone gave me directions to 3 area hospitals
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I can't afford a Carnival Cruise this year so I'm just going to hang out at a Porta-Potty near the beach.
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Carnival to Rename Cruise Ships 'floating nightmare 1, floating nightmare 2, floating nightmare 3, floating nightmare 4, floating nightmare 5 etc. etc. etc.'
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My pet peeve is when people say redundant words after acronyms, like “PIN number” or “ATM mouth.”
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Don't worry altar boys, I'm sure this new pope will be as admirable & honest as the last couple guys.
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My dog tore up the sofa so I chewed up his dog bed. Eye for an eye, Dawg!
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get to drilling Bruce Willis.
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That Russian meteor footage is anice reminder that we are flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof
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How am I supposed to completely ignore Olympic wrestling like it doesn't exist, if it actually doesn't exist?!
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If police work is just watching stuff burn, then I mastered police work when I was 10 years old.
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