JOser Funny Status Messages

   I'm proud of the fact that 87% of my day is just me making faces at my coworker while his back is turned.

   I have to go to work after getting my braces tighten, so this will be a good test to see which is more enjoyable.

   I heard that if you sneak into the new twilight movie and blast justin bieber, the combination impregnates everyone.

   Psst. Hey. Europe is asleep. Let's talk sh*t about them.

   If you accept a penny for your thoughts, not only are you a philosophical prostitute. You're not a very good one.

   I would consider becoming Catholic if they made Batman Pope.

   These lemons are half empty.

   These food stamps taste terrible...

   We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.

   Summer weather; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...

   If your relationship is so complicated that you have to identify it as such on Facebook, you should probably get the hell off Facebook and go fix it.

   thinks that if at first you don't succeed, you should pray that your future Honor Roll student takes care of you.

   A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool...

   Never looking back doesn't make you an optimist, lady, it makes you a horrible driver.

   The dog keeps licking his butt and staring at me. I don't feel bad for him though. I tried to give him toilet paper and he ate it.

   I wouldn't mind all the diving and faking in soccer if, at random times during each game, a trapdoor opened to a pit of hungry crocodiles.

   It's simply way too hot today for me to believe global warming is real.

   I'm starting to get a bit worried that Canada isn't going to win the World Cup this year.

   I'd still choose rock over paper in a real fight.

   Customs: "Do you have anything to declare?" Me: "I declare a thumb war?" Customs: "Security!" Me: "I mean rum! Lots and lots of rum!"