Snotty Funny Status Messages

   FYI: Frosty the Snowman is constantly screwing with the thermostat at parties

   America is shocked & disgusted when Bill Clinton admits he had sexual relations with Hilary.

   Bye, bye, Miss Canadian Pie,,,Drove my Ski-Doo, To the igloo.................................................. *This idea was stupid,, Sorry*

   Long story short: Roses and violets are their appropriate colours,,,, thus I find you attractive.

   I bet the tickle fights in jail are legendary.

   ALSO FACT: You eat 28 spiders in your lifetime... Always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once

   They say you will eat approximately 23 spiders in your life,,, but really you can eat as many as you want.. Treat yourself, you deserve it.

   Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction,,, I hope there's no hard feelings

   Top Gun was so unrealistic,,, Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle.

   The winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee is awarded an engraved trophy... The loser is given an ingraived plack.

   How have Tampax and Hershey's not released a combo pack yet?

   My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.

   If a Prius hits a Vegan,,, do you even have to fill out a police report?

   Sure the early bird gets the worm, but what does that say about the worm? He got up early too... Well, the point is,,, Ummm.

   I assumed a coworker was pregnant. She told me no, just six months fat... We laughed and laughed and then she stabbed me.

   Yeah,, I could just roll in this bar and announce that I'm Thor's brother,, but I'm just gonna keep it Loki tonight.

   She wore a raspberry beret, but NOT the kind you find in a secondhand store,, (cuz those will give you head lice.)

   Dear Santa... In reguards to my wish list last year, I wrote to you asking, "sex, for a change" Not "for a sex change"... Please fix this

   if I was a conductor of an orchestra, I would abuse my power by making them warm up to a stirring rendition of "ice, ice, baby."

   ME TEXTING: Be there in 5 minutes... If I'm not there in 5 minutes, read this text again