Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Give a vegan a fish,,, then never hear the end of it.

   How many light bulbs does it take to change people?

   Ya'll are welcome to try and seize the day... I gave it a whirl, but the damn thing bit me.

   If miley cyrus and justin beiber were drowning, and you could only save one........ What kind of sandwich would you make?

   Dear lady in front of me,,, it's a speed bump, not a friggin land mine

   North Korea's fax: USA, We will attack you without warning... p.s. This fax is not a warning... p.s.s. This fax is not indicative of our technology

   I test drove a BMW and much to my surprise,,, ALL the blinkers worked!................ Explain that,, All you owners

   Ugh,,, This oatmeal tastes like It's gonna need a donut.

   Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP,,, until you have something someone else needs

   Memo from Santa: Due to the rising cost of coal, this year people on the naughty list will be receiving Nickelback CDs.

   500,000 people signed up for Obamacare and the McRib is back... You do the math.

   So, if Professor X can move objects with his mind,,, why can't he make his legs move?

   'twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming... Just cuz I went into the wrong house

   If I ever get rich, the first thing I'm going to do is start calling my comforter a duvet... And then maybe I'll learn all the names for lettuce.

   If having a dog has taught me anything,,, It's how to eat steak very quickly... *No chewing needed

   "Call it a sweatshirt.. Those?,, those are sweatpants.. That one is a sweater.. Gosh, it's hot in here." ... (The guy who named clothes)

   Son why did you draw a dinosaur with a machine gun? First off, they can't shoot guns. And secondly, This rules,,, I'm calling the museum

   *Buys Mega-Millions ticket, waits to be hit by a comet*

   Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day... Give a man a poisonous fish and you'll feed him for the rest of his life

   *flips coin in Air* ... "heads I get out of bed, tails I don't"... *coin lands too far away*........... "well bed it is!"