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Page: 7 of 64
Saying the word “awkward” in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it
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02-21-2014 05:16 by
flinnie
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If you say “Kanye” in the mirror three times, he appears, pushes you over and starts screaming his own name in the mirror.
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02-17-2014 05:22 by
flinnie
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When speaking to me please use the words "basically" "actually" and "literally" or basically, I actually will literally not understand you.
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02-15-2014 22:14 by
flinnie
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Actual quote from a girl I met my 1st day of college: "I would have tested out of English but I had too much other things to do."
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02-15-2014 21:43 by
flinnie
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Just told my dog "Don't walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don't.
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02-15-2014 05:51 by
flinnie
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When I was growing up, families actually did stuff together. Things are so much better now.
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02-14-2014 07:52 by
flinnie
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My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
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02-12-2014 04:39 by
flinnie
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Men: if your woman makes you sleep on the couch, use the cushions to build an awesome fort and then hang a “no girls allowed” sign
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02-12-2014 04:33 by
flinnie
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Time heals all wounds. Except sucking chest wounds. You should see a doctor about that.
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02-09-2014 08:18 by
flinnie
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Suggested Transformers 4 movie poster slogan: Your Suspicions Are Correct, We Hate You and Think You Are Stupid.
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02-09-2014 07:43 by
flinnie
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I bet I could win a gold medal for 'least amount of Olympics watched.' But I'll never know if I do.
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02-08-2014 05:33 by
flinnie
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I bet a tough part of fielding calls at a poison control center is not finishing most of your sentences with "...you unbelievable moron."
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01-29-2014 22:33 by
flinnie
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Peyton Manning's forehead is large enough to show an Imax movie.
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01-19-2014 16:29 by
flinnie
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Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders
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01-13-2014 05:50 by
flinnie
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I blame my farts on the dog so regularly that now every time I let one rip, she slinks away in shame.
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01-08-2014 13:02 by
flinnie
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If movies have taught me anything it's that all car chases eventually lead through a fruit stand.
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01-08-2014 12:43 by
flinnie
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I cover up my bathroom noises with high pitched screaming
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01-01-2014 08:46 by
flinnie
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I went to a pool party in 1998 with the time listed as 5-? on the invitation. I'm still here. Wrap it up guys there's so much I haven't done
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01-01-2014 07:58 by
flinnie
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What's a pirate's fave letter of the alphabet? Trick question. They are illiterate savages whose purposes are ill-served by the written word
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01-01-2014 07:50 by
flinnie
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The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
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12-31-2013 21:23 by
flinnie
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