Migasjoe Funny Status Messages

   there are two types of people in the world; Those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money

   would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on 1 week of sobriety!!!

   i'm not a vegetarian but I eat animals that are

   if you have to ask how much that drink is, you probably shouldn't be drinking it

   weird. I was playing mini golf and this angry dude from New Zealand offered to carry my putter and kept swatting my wifes camera out of her hand

   my buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"

   need to check my wifes license...apparently she changed her name to Princess without telling me

   there is a good chance my eyes will be red tomorrow

   thinking about lighting up the fire pit to cool down outside

   if alcohol is a crutch, then Jack Daniels is the wheelchair

   anyone else addicted to Pawn Stars because they misrerad the title the first time they turned it on???

   I got some new underwear the other day. Well.... new to me

   DIET= Do I Eat That...

   told my son he should drink plenty of electrolytes in this heat, he responded by asking me if I drink beer for the electrolytes

   I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my Doctor calls them, symptoms...

   I married my wife for her looks, just not the ones she has been giving me lately

   I'm going to get in shape, pear is a shape...right???

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, thew shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed

   I don't have pet peeves-I have major psychotic f##cking hatreds!!!

   I have washboard abs. They just happen to have a little laundry on them...