Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Honestly,, I don't think I can stomach stomach stomach stomach any more cow jokes

   It's like my wife didn't even TRY to clean the house while I went out to play poker... I mean, how am I supposed to live like this?

   Native American strippers have an unfair advantage. They can make it rain every time they dance.

   Back in my day, Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.

   And its absolutely asinine that asinine isn't spelled assanine.

   O.K.... Now it's the scientists' turn to hide,,, and the Higgs boson has to find them

   Laser tag is for pussies... "Taser tag", now thats a manly kinda sport.

   Like most Northerners, as the weather warms,,, I worry about the structural integrity of my igloo.

   Shout out to my parents... BECAUSE SHOUTING IS THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN HEAR ME.

   Hmmm,, How about slippers made out of Legos,, So that when you step on a Lego,, you just get taller.

   That kid looks ALOT like me.... Somebody should warn him.

   The Year??.. 2033,, The year is 2047, After a series of mergers and acquisitions,, The Doritos Locos McWhopper Chipotle Latte Wrap, has become the only source of nutrition

   Reality Show Idea: A funeral home where the casket is turned into a mechanical bull.. Whoever rides it the longest gets the person's belongings.

   A group of teens is called a whatever

   Joe Namath's coat saw it's shadow... 6 more weeks of winter.

   If Kenny Rogers, Cher and Bruce Jenner stood right by a really hot radiator,,, who do you think would melt first?

   What do you think Kanye West is gonna get Kanye West for Valentine's Day this year?

   The first rule of chess club: If you've ever seen a boob you're the hero of chess club.

   love how music takes you away to another place... For example, RobinThick is playing at this bar, so now I’m going to another bar.

   Hello and welcome to DeVry orientation.. Sign-in sheets are on the left, Steve is passing out your diplomas,,, thanks & congrats class of 10:47.