Baddie Funny Status Messages

   When a girl doesn't invite me up to her place after a date I just assume it's because she's a hoarder with 30 kitty cats.

   It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant.

   Maybe you're beautiful, or maybe he's horny.

   I can tell within 19 seconds of meeting you if our sex is going to be consensual or not..

   Heard a rap song that didn't mention money, cars or hoes...Now i'm frantically trying to remember whether I took the blue or green pill!

   Before I fall in love I usually fall over the barstool.

   It's like my dad always said, "Don't call me Dad."

   when I was little not only did I have to walk to school..my dad would drive by and flip me off.

   My friend handed out wedding invitations at her baby shower, like the classless knocked up slut she is.

   Going to the mall this weekend and trying on extra small shirts so I can remember what it feels like to be hugged

   The most romantic thing I've ever done is get a girl's name tattooed on my grandpa.

   You know how people tend to become like their pets and vice versa? My dog needs a liver transplant.

   Some people say, “Facebook me” while others say, “Follow me.” But, I miss the classic, “blow me.”

   I'm just not that into you. Maybe we should try a different position.

   She put me in the family zone, which would be cool if we were in Kentucky.

   My back is killing me from picking up all these chicks.

   It's not a real party unless someone gets a d ick drawn on their face.

   Voting for president is getting to the point where it's simply which guy would you rather watch dump all your money into a toilet and flush.

   Buses are just limos for poor people.

   When you hear "that's illegal in 49 states," the other state is always Kentucky.