Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   was let out today from the men in white coats man what the hell were they thinking

   we all have different capacities, what's lacking for you may be too much for me already.. so don't push it.

   Must be nice living in never neverland, maybe I'll come visit you when I need a break from reality!

   It's for you Mr. Reid. It's Al Sharpton and he sounds pissed. You better take the call because he likes to march about as much as the Germans

   never regret doing things that will make you happy. we have but one life to live.. it's too short to dwell on negativities.

   believes people are all the same, we only get judged by what we do.

   always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

   when you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

   a smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

   says that the only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

   So Mark McGwire has admitted to using steroids. In other shocking news, Snoop Dogg has admitted to using marijuana, and Bill O'Reilly has a big mouth.

   going to see the wizard. I need a brain. Thats what my GF said.

   this cold weather doesn't bother me. It's the weaklings who b!tch about it that get on my nerves.

   A man in Washington D.C. was apprehended by the Secret Service for taking off his clothes and jogging naked near the White House. In related news, this is probably the last time Joe Biden ever takes Ambien.

   Scientists now say that within 40 years, robots will be doing most of the jobs we don't want to do, especially illegal robots from Mexico.

   Spent two hours trying to lick his elbow...brought back memories of an akward time during puberty

   Someone stole my identity...its okay though, they gave it back when my kids called him daddy

   took a viagra pill today but it got caught in my throat and not I have a stiff neck.

   I'm worse at doin my best

   says the hardest part of being independent is that people may think you're better off alone.