Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If there is a window of opportunity ... why the hell does it knock? Shouldn't it be a door? No wonder so many people miss opportunities. They answer the door, not the window.

   i think this will possibly be the best valentines day I have ever had... I can feel it in my icebox where my heart used to be

   Heidi Montag + Micheal Jackson = Amy Winehouse.

   Men are like scratch off tickets..... they usually end up being losers!!

   saving money on her cable by switching to facebook. They have sports statuses, drama statuses, Hollywood gossip statuses and current event statuses. Switch now and get calander statuses for free, you"ll never have to wonder what day it is again.

   for the first time in my adult life....i'm proud to be a Massachusettonian

   ..pays her bills with a smile. Most creditors,however,would prefer cash..

   Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die

   I was going to change my facebook password to "penis" but it was rejected. Not long enough.

   Dreaming of the person you want to be is wasting the person you already are.

   I didnt trip, I was testing gravity......... It still works

   I like the movie Avatar, especially the first time I saw it when it was called Pocahonis

   Heidi Montag says she's "not addicted" to plastic surgery. Much in the same way Amy Winehouse is merely a "crack aficionado".

   Avatar = Awesome. I wish the whole world was in 3D!!!

   Waves hand " This is not the Facebook Profile you want."

   Sometimes you feel like a nut. And sometimes you feel that the men in white coats are just overreacting.

   santa just touched my no no spot. :(

   A Lion Would Never Cheat on His Wife, But a Tiger Wood !!!

   If a Dog Sniffs Your A*s, You're Probably a Bit*h

   Here's a warning. If I'm really sick and I say "I gotta yak", it doesn't mean that there's a longhaired buffalo living in my backyard