Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6243 of 6441

I am getting more sensitive the older I get. I realized this today as I sat on a park bench throwing bread crumbs to the old people.
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01-23-2010 09:54
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feels sorry for guys who's girlfriends call them The Boy. Hanging out with The Boy Tonight. Obviously he's not the man.
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01-23-2010 08:27
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it possible to be in two places at twice?
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01-23-2010 08:16
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When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $3.95 a minute!
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01-23-2010 07:50
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We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..
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01-23-2010 05:44
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soo old that he knew the Dead Sea when it was ill
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01-23-2010 04:10
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..is so blonde,she thought a thesaurus was a dinosaur.

if Osama Bin Laden played Call of Duty, he would be the best camper.

If Bono ,Julia Roberts and the rest of those billionare bozos care so much then why not sell one of your mansions or private jets and give it to charity. But those elitists gotta beg the hard-working Americans to give what we don't have, now get off my tv
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01-22-2010 22:23
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Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside. But it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house.

supporting Tiger Wood's habits by buying the last of his discontinued Gatorade.
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01-22-2010 20:52 by Darcie
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workin' hard all week to put beer on the table.
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01-22-2010 20:29
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Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly . . . on a broomstick. We're flexible that way.
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01-22-2010 20:23
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Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!
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01-22-2010 19:37 by ANGELA
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the best times to have a breakup...christmas, valentines and her birthday
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01-22-2010 19:04
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has been invited to go out tonight, but I'm a little scared...if a girl spends more then $200.00 on me...should I let her go past 2nd base???

you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.
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01-22-2010 17:01 by Danmanz
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doesn't believe in superstitions....it's bad luck!!
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01-22-2010 16:10
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Televangelist Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti happened because they made a pact with the devil to get rid of the French in the Haitian Revolution. Pat, please. You don't need a pact with the devil to bead the French.
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01-22-2010 15:39 by tomcall
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