Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Well I just broke up with my girlfriend 'cause I'm engaged now.

   Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real

   I see your swag and I raise you a high school education.

   "So You Think You Can Tickle A Polar Bear" is a show that I would love to watch.

   People who never had suicidal thoughts probably never touched a wet bathroom door knob.

   Accidentally ran over a guy and I stopped to call the ambulance but then I saw his ponytail. Now I'm treating myself with ice cream.

   I can't help but be jealous of dudes who have those really masculine voices like Miley Cyrus.

   I'm saving myself for prison.

   Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

   I'm the Michael Jordan of all sports, because I haven't played any since like 2003.

   I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!

   Sometimes I screw up intentionally just so I can say, “You were right dear” B itches love hearing “You were right dear”

   I'm going to take a picture of my middle finger and have copies passed out at my funeral as a last Screw you.

   If you're happy and you know it slap your face.

   According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.

   Your coffee was getting cold - Was the best excuse I could come up with after my boss caught me farting in his beverage.

   I'm tired of the stereotypes people have about the Irish. As soon as I finish this beer I'm leaving the bar and kicking someone's ass.

   I drink coffee every morning so that I don't bite your head off, so don't say I never do anything for you.

   You say you want to get away from your demons, yet you come running to me.

   I think it's pointless to haggle over price with hookers when you're just going to kill them anyway and take your money back.