Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Farmville......Fishville??? Are you serious??? Just wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville"......I'll be there:)

   Who was the best comedian/stage performer in the Bible? ANS: Samson. He brought the house down.

   Working for God does not pay much, but His retirement plan is out of this world

   Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to see Him soon.

   wondering why people with hundreds of friends on FB are spending their time on FB and not with one of them instead.

   wants to join the "cereal box" dating service. I've dated enough flakes and nuts...all I want is the prize now ;)

   ended their relationship with TOYOTA.

   Starting to think my Imaginary friend has serious issues....Hey!! You better get down from there, If you fall and break your legs don't come running back to me Pal.....What!!!! Don't look at me with that tone of voice...

   should have gotten some actual friends before making a Facebook account!

   pretty excited about coming on Facebook until he/she saw you were online.

   Enjoy life and don't think about it. There's nothing we can do but have fun with what time we have.

   Doesnt matter if you own a DSLR, that doesnt means you are a photographer.

   making a list of why you suck

   and always will be the man (most of you have to grow some before using this)

   waiting for you to log off so they can get back on chat and actually do something!

   The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least,that's what the restraining order says.

   Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

   just took the battery out of the smoke alarm because I think I might do some thinking tonight

   It's not an old movie if you haven't seen it.

   Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then-we elected them.