Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   loves a woman in uniform...unless she's in my rearview mirror.

   I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.

   apparently theres a board game named after the Titanic.. whats next, 9/11 jenga?

   roses are read violets are blue dont wear a pony tail while training shamu,

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!!

   The Bachelor= The downfall of reality tv. OR was it Ellen taking Paula Abdul's place, OR is it the fact that Howerd Stern may be taking Sinon Cowell's place next season.

   was on the street and he saw an ugly pregnant lady, and he just thought, 'Good for you.'

   Words of Wisdom: it's easier to change a condom than it is to change a diaper

   Did I study? Nah. Did I buy a fancy pencil? You better beleive it.

   looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it, it's too risky!!

   Well if Killer Whales kill, I dont wanna know what Humpback or Sperm whales do...

   Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

   Sky News "Tree Falls On Bank" Does anyone happen to know what branch ?

   wondering if Shaq has my back, how come he never pays my cable bill?

   had a party last night... sorry you could not come but your girlfriend did.......TWICE

   Women like having four animals in the house: a jaguar in the driveway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskull to pay for it.

   wonders...if NASA sends a pregnant woman into space and gives birth...is the baby an alien?

   Gravity always gets me down...

   Don't try to understand everything.. because sometimes it is not meant to be understood... but rather to be accepted...