Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I need some transition time from the weekend... can we drink during lunch breaks this week to get back to normal?

   Ever parked on the wrong side of the gas station, then turn the car around to realize you are still on the wrong side? Me either...

   Before that van starts a'rockin, make sure that c*ck's got a stockin'!

   It felt good to turn my lights out yesterday for Earth Day. On hindsight,i probably shouldn't have been driving at the time.

   I lost my virginity, can I have yours?

   If you can make a girl laugh - you can make her do anything.

   Hey girl, take off your make up, maybe we know eachoter

   age has nothing to do with experience... and everything to do with ability

   still a virgin, but this is an old status

   In about 40-50 years from now, there sure is going to be a lot of old women walking around with tattooes.

   100 people get swine flu and everyone wears a mask... 1,000 people get aids and no one wears a condom... Makes you wonder a little...

   Played Tiger Woods PGA Tour '10 the other day. Funny thing was that the 'cheat codes' were already put into the game.

   Got up this morning and thought 'it looks nice out'....so I'll leave it out.

   eaten so many skittles shes peeing rainbows!

   "Love" is purely a chemical imbalance of serotonin, dopamine, & norepinephrine. It is nothing magical or "special"; just simply an irregularity in the brain; a "two-faced high"

   My name is soo much action, it should be a f*ckng verb!

   This program contains graphic material! Jergens and Kleenex optional!

   going to watch earth hour on T.V

   You're my nothing. Why? Because nothing lasts forever.

   Ever feel like stapling someones ear to their desk and slam a sticky note on their head that says "Help me, my ear is stuck to the table"?