Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Never kiss anyone who's constantly saying things taste like shi t.

   If only chubby chasers actually chased chubby people... Then we wouldn't have such a problem with obesity.

   Dear Taco Bell, Can you please include people drinking beer and getting high in your commercials. Sincerely, your core demographic.

   I hate the moon mainly because it's something I have to share with Nicki Minaj.

   I just want to do my part. Are prostitutes a small business?

   When I need you, I just close my eyes and down some painkillers with a glass of wine - and suddenly I don`t need you anymore.

   The problem joining Scientology is that you just know they'll give Tom Cruise the best spaceship.

   I am as messed up as the alphabetical order on a keyboard.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand, but I'm thinking of you.

   90% of the girls I've dated, I got their pants off with my humor. The other 10% were passed out, so I had to take them off myself.

   The amount of people who confuse "too" with "to" is just two damn high.

   Whenever I have sex I always pretend I'm having it with someone.

   Facebook is not a shower, so keep your clothes on ho!

   Don't forget to show appreciation to those you're most thankful for this holiday season. You know your pharmacist, bartender and weed guy.

   How are there still millions of bald men in this country when there is an abondance of permanent markers?

   I don't need a safe word because socks don't have ears.

   I like my women like I like my coffee... Tied up in a sack and shipped over from an exotic country.

   Okay. I've noticed you. Now go away.

   My girlfriend asked me what "misogynistic" meant and I told her to shut the hell up and get her fat ass back in the kitchen.

   Man, I get a lot of junk emails. Apparently, there's a lot of folks out there that wanna make my p enis 3 inches longer.