jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Why is Lou Dobbs hiring illegal aliens when Toni Braxton needs the work?

   The unemployment numbers are twice as bad if you count people who describe themselves as "bloggers."

   After the Vikings dreadful performance and fall to 1-3, the Chilean Miners have decided to stay underground.

   Given his pass completion percentage tonight, it's clear Favre just isn't handling balls like he used to.

   You work hard. You sacrifice. You fight injustice. You think you're making a difference.. Then you find out Snooki has a book deal.

   BREAKING NEWS: Entire Kardashian Family Diagnosed With "Attention Surplus Disorder".

   I wanna be a workaholic.. but workahol tastes like sh!t

   Had a great massage the other day, but I think I confused my masseuse by asking her for an "ambiguous, european-cinema-style ending."

   I'm hearing that the founder of Friendster is donating like $75 to the University of Phoenix.

   Starbucks says that the rising cost of coffee is forcing them to raise prices. Oddly, they never seem to lower them when coffee prices drop

   Seriously, why is Lindsay Lohan's 4th drug test fail helicopter-worthy? At this point the press should be sending scooters.

   When there was only one set of footprints, that was when Jesus was flying. What, you don't think Jesus can FLY??

   At the Halloween store: the "Slutty Frankenstein" costumes aren't flying off the shelves.

   Inventor of Segway drives it off cliff to his death. Bet he wishes he would have invented a hang glider.

   Italy seizes $30 million from the Vatican in probe. Nice to finally see the Catholic clergy on the receiving end of a probe.

   By now, Colonel Sanders has killed more people prematurely than if he were an actual military officer.

   Lindsay Lohan's upcoming film could be derailed by her failed drug tests. That is, unless her acting gets to it first.

   Here's to hoping next time Lady Gaga wears a dress made out of Justin Bieber.

   Camping out for video game releases is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.

   When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?