doc noland Funny Status Messages
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Adult gummy Melatonin: because while fat, drunk and stupid might be the American norm, fat drunk stupid and sleep deprived is unacceptable.
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Ever like someone so much that you just want to chew on their hiney?
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I am not down with OPP but I'm definitely down with the sickness
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One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia
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Malaysia Air uses Waze Maps
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Adult gummy Melatonin: because while fat, drunk and stupid might be the American norm, fat, drunk, stupid and sleep deprived is unacceptable.
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I've wiped my bottom 47 times already. It's like there's someone back there with a paintbrush trying to p!ss me off.
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I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
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I wonder if Sarah Jessica Parker auditioned for the lead role in "War Horse"?
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I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things.
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Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
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Going in Build-A-Bear shirtless wasn't creepy until I started holding up unstuffed animals asking the cashier which ones match my eyes
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A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar
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Valentine Day weekend is over. I think Helen Keller plays the role of cupid in my love life.
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Bob Costas' eyes went down on Ludmila Pachinko.
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Idiots who have lift kits on their trucks and have over 22 inch rims use Axe on their tires.
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Hey! Idiot! 74 hashtags is good for your instagram picture! No...not 2 or 3...74.
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This whiskey would pair nicely with soft bosoms.
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The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
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Actually, when I asked if my hangover could get any worse, it was more of a rhetorical question than a challenge
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