Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I'm old, but I'm not "has friends that have died from natural causes" old.

   if Taylor would learn to blow like a good all American girl, she'd never ever ever......have to write another break up song.

   Pizza delivery is no reason to put pants on.

   Your baby is not interesting or funny, unless it's drunk or being carried away by an eagle.

   I love that you can pee anywhere you want at Wal Mart.

   Never underestimate my ability to make things weird for everyone involved.

   "Daddy, can I have some ice cream?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Why do boys have p enises and girls don't?" "Chocolate or vanilla?"

   If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?

   When a woman tells you 'you're cute', it means you're ugly and you just entered the friendzone.

   If you're going to give the silent treatment, the least you could do is go on the street and pretend to be a mime. We're kinda broke here.

   I'm lonely, but not 'talk to people' lonely.

   It's true. Girls just want to have fun. And ruin your life in the process.

   I was told to not make decisions when I'm angry or horny. apparently, I'm never supposed to make a decision.

   It's not a recession until your internet is cut off and you have to masturbate to the woman in a red bikini on the Special K box.

   Congratulations on graduating community college! Alright let's practice, I'll ask for a fish filet combo with a sprite, now what do you say?

   Well, our relationship didn't work out the first time, maybe the 37th will be the charm. - Couples who are stupid.

   I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from.

   Sometimes I get so hungry that I eat a sandwich without having sex first.

   I've perfected the confused look for when my credit card's declined.

   Error 404: Virginity not found!