Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Just saw my friend in a g ay p orn o... His secret has never been safer.

   Stupid people really irritate me. I wish I could piss on some people and sprinkle some wisdom on them.

   They're playing Nicki Minaj at the zoo. Wait no, just a couple of chimpanzees fighting.

   Watching this cool nature show about a bunch of apes who think they can sing. It's called "Glee" or something.

   If marriage has taught me anything it's that there is no shortage of por n on the Internet.

   I just assume that everything in a gas station bathroom is coated in a thin layer of HIV.

   Since they never showed Cheetara licking her a sshole, I highly doubt she was 100% Thundercat.

   This girl seems like the kind of person who uses a lot of hand gestures when she's talking to her gynecologist on the phone.

   You know it's true love when you ask her what she is thinking about and she says "SEX" and you reply "Me too".

   It's not poetry, if it's not written in blood.

   My cat is my date and we got asked to leave the Olive Garden. Probably because she's black.

   If she takes off her heels to chase you, then you better call the police while you still can.

   Cemeteries: Saving me on buying flowers since High School.

   When a romantic song comes on the radio, I always take her hand in mine, and whisper softly in her ear, "Please change the radio station."

   Looks like they used up all the power trying to revive Wyclef’s career.

   I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I'm roofing.

   I put a message in a bottle and threw it in the Ocean. The note said "I have Tuberculosis and I coughed in this bottle"

   Go on, drink your coffee like you have something important to do today.

   Every woman is beautiful, but some are only beautiful in the dark.

   ''I want to ruin some songs today.'' -The producers of Glee every morning.