Baddie Funny Status Messages

   And then God said, "Let the women have feelings. A lot of feelings. Like, all of the feelings."

   Ugh my girlfriend is taking forever to exist!

   Can't someone put these Kartrashians on a leash and chain them to a pole?

   When you don't wear makeup I feel like I'm cheating on you with your brother.

   I'm a proud and satisfied user of the doggie-style technique!

   there's a difference between a country girl and some slut with a hat

   Of course I have real friends. They're named beer, whiskey, and vodka.

   If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I dammit.

   I always keep a gun in my pocket so people won't think I'm happy to see them.

   I hate it when I am hosting a pool party at my neighbors' house and they come home early from their vacation.

   Women are like drinks in a party; if you leave them alone, someone will steal them.

   Walmart is a Zoo for people.

   Not sure how these ducks got into this Starbucks. Or teenage girls. Hard to tell really.

   At the start of a relationship her snoring is gentle music. 5 years later you loom over her with a pillow and a distant look in your eye.

   Kristen Stewart looks pretty good for someone who's facial expression is always "I murdered someone"

   Bacon is the fried chicken of white p eople!

   Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it's a good morning for a few minutes.

   We found the Gates of Hell? Why were we looking for those? Doesn't searching for the cure of cancer matter anymore?

   Why can't someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?

   I always wondered how pregnancy tests work, is it blue it's a boy? Pink it's a psycho?