jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Only 9,000 more lies until Election Day.

   A handful of Nigerian scam artists are wrecking it for all the honest Nigerians who want to wire money to us.

   "Ugh. I'm never, ever drinking again." - Person who will drink again (starting either tomorrow or the next day)

   Sometimes I hear music so bad that I think the government should also enforce a five-day waiting period for buying a guitar.

   Sony announces it will no longer make Walkman cassette players. In other news, Sony was still making Walkman cassette players?

   There are two types of people in the world - those who have had Dinty Moore's Beef Stew and those who have not.

   In honor of Christine O'Donnell, I am designating November as Lack of Awareness Awareness Month.

   BREAKING: "Hey, Where Is Everybody?" Says Chilean Miner No. 34

   Composeurs pretend to write classical music.

   During Obama's appearance on Mythbusters, Glenn Beck will debut his new Fox News show, Mythspreaders.

   NFL Update: Favre Reports Stiffness.

   Skipping the new Jackass movie - already saw Christine O'Donnell debate this week.

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't.. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my grandfather.

   If you ever see me drinking a Bud Light Lime, I have been kidnapped and am trying to signal you.

   I wonder if those friends in low places have heard from Garth Brooks recently.

   That didn't take long: one of the Chilean miners is already cheating on Jennifer Aniston.

   Gavin Rossdale has admitted to a gay fling when he was younger.. In a related story, a gay dude admitted to making sh!tty music for 15 years.

   I'm surprised there isn't a "ABC's Rockin' Chilean Miners Rescue Special" hosted by Ryan Seacrest.

   How awesome would it would have been if David Blaine had somehow been the first one brought up out of the mine.

   It was Canadian Thanksgiving this past weekend, and they have much to be thankful for: Bieber, Ice Road Truckers, a sh!t-load of lumber.