hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages
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So How long do I microwave these teenage turtles before I can teach them karate ?
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Someone told me: Don't fall in love, you might get hurt. I said: Don't live, you might die..
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Just finished at Walmart and McDonald's. On my way to visit a family member in prison to complete the trifecta.
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I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don't know anything about cars, but I do know how po rn starts off
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The first person that falls asleep at my parties doesn't get written on or their hand in warm water. They get the phone numbers of their girlfriend and ex-girlfriend switched in their cell phone.
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I knew she was "Trouble" from the moment the announcer at the strip club introduced her as so.
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Can someone help me with this? I wanted some homemade honey, but I don't know how many bees to put in this blender...so far it tastes horrible.
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The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
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It's almost that time of year where I don't have to feel weird about eating cookies shaped like people.
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So I've never done cocaine, but I have a question. Why do people do it in the bathroom? If you were doing a drug that you had to sniff really hard to do, isn't someplace where people poop not the ideal place?
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I was wondering about my genealogy so I traced my family tree. Leaf it to me to trace my roots only to find out I'm the sap.
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People with "KEEP OUT" signs in their yard grossly overestimate our desire to come visit them.
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It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year
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If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.
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I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
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A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.
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You find out who your real friends are when all you have left to offer is friendship.
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My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming 'Help me, Superman. Help me!' and then I run away, unexplained.
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I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom. I can't believe it.. She's a superhero!
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I don't care how old I am. If I lose my mother in a super market I'm going to panic.
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