Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I'm not celebrating independence day because I still live with my parents.

   I hate when I'm stalking someone and another interesting person comes up and I get confused on which one I should continue to stalk.

   How do you know if someone went to Harvard? They tell you.

   I'm so single my p 0rn is in a folder called p 0rn.

   They're playing Nicki Minaj at the zoo. Wait nope, just a couple of chimpanzees fighting.

   Hey people going to church, the gym or eating plants; Please keep it to yourself and stop telling us about it all the time.

   So Blue Ivy got the stripper name, and North West got the direction to the strip club? Nice, team work.

   Instagram videos beacuse we wanna know if you are paying for the food you instagram.

   Hugs that turn into sex? Where do I get those? Mine always turn to 'let me go or I will call the police'.

   Sometimes you got to talk to someone only once to realize why everyone else avoids them like a plague.

   In hell, for your birthday, they give you socks in a PS4 box.

   Are you a man who feels confident about his opinions? Has a high self-esteem? Well I think it's time to get you a woman.

   I'm bored. Maybe I should leave the house and check Facebook from somewhere else.

   My idea of a blind date is not removing your blind fold.

   Why does eating make you fat? People should’t be punished for eating. Why don’t people who wear sunglasses indoors get fat instead.

   There comes a time in your life where nothing gets you excited anymore. I've had this feeling for like 5 years now.

   I need to meet new people to ignore.

   Hate is such a strong word. That's exactly why I use it.

   If your coffee order has more instructions than an ikea bunk bed then you're probably an a$$hole.

   Fat people need to accept that being fat isn’t a crime. It’s not a disease. And being called fat isn’t an insult.