Baddie Funny Status Messages

   It must be nice for boring people, they can just think themselves to sleep.

   Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.

   I'm "used to get kicked off the internet when the house phone rang" years old.

   If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less.

   I wish someone could love me as much as I love looking forward to my next meal.

   there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn't fully charged? There should be.

   Every so often I'll bring my wife and kids out in public just so people understand why I drink.

   If a woman ever asks you if you know what your problem is, don't answer. It'll only make it worse.

   Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.

   And so the devil decided to put the delete key above the send key. The end

   Get married, you're gonna die anyways.

   Can I just date your mouth?

   Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours.

   Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.

   The best part of having relatives over is that feeling you get when you shut the door behind them as they leave.

   Guys, don't take the first step cause girls hate that easy guy. Also, you must take the first step cause they hate the shy one. Good luck!

   If you leave the sexual innuendo door open even the slightest bit I will come crashing through it like the Kool Aid Man.

   How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.

   Being a man in biblical times must’ve been damn hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea and you’re here watching sheep.”

   If you think sleeping with your girlfriend’s best friend will piss her off then you obviously haven’t tried hiding one of her shoes.