Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Nothing beats a woman with a great voice. Except Chris Brown.

   No guy named Larry was ever a baby. They actually walk out of their mothers womb with receding hairlines in sandals with socks

   In a bear attack, hold your hands up and approach calmly. Palm strike to the sternum. You're attacking a bear now.

   I know just enough Spanish to buy the drugs I like.

   "Got any drugs or alcohol on you?" "yup, I'm all set. Thanks Officer"

   You call it stalking, I call it stalking. SEE HOW MUCH WE HAVE IN COMMON WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU

   Ladies stop worrying about the quickest way to a mans heart and just give him a blow job already.

   Women are like belts; If it's not tight enough, move it to another hole.

   I don't want to sound like an alarmist, but I just saw Karma buying a 15 inch strap-on.

   My wife's safe word is: we have 5 kids

   Still trying to figure out how that guy with a neck tattoo in that p orn I watched earlier got employed at a law firm.

   Justin Bieber has grown a mustache. His transformation into a teenage mexican girl is now complete.

   I find it curious that Kermit sings about how hard it is being green but nothing about screwing a pig.

   I swallowed my pride once and it tasted like Vodka.

   HER: This is an emergency, so its women and children first! ME: Lady, it's just a breakfast buffet...

   Sorry I spilled beer on your baby.

   You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"

   Sorry I confused sexual tension with regular tension and got us both fired.

   Stupidity is dangerous, and thanks to social media we have managed to weaponize it.

   I wish more people were fluent in silence.