Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Michael Jackson has been dead a long time but moonwalking still makes people uncomfortable at children's parties.

   My wife likes to talk during sex. Stuff like: "Why is the bathroom door locked?!?" and "What are you doing in there?"

   Angry sex is way better than an angry blow job.

   I love gas stations that sell fireworks, that's like prostitutes that sell rope and shovels

   If you love someone, set her free. If she doesn't come back, start dating her best friend.

   Ladies: Next time you shake a man's hand just remember you're really shaking his d*ck's best friend.

   This Lady in a Hummer at the next pump was b*tching about gas prices on a gold iPhone holding a Starbucks. Long story short I need bail money.

   Single mothers must make the toughest decisions every day. Decisions like "Which children's toy is giving up its batteries for mommy?"

   People that are happy, keep that sh*t between you and your drug dealer, no one else cares

   My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.

   I'm thinking the woman with 4 kids on leashes at Walmart should probably stop buying her condoms at Walmart.

   I bet even Bill Gates doesn't use BING when no one is looking.

   I see your "Restraining order" and raise you a "high powered telescope"

   There should be an observation deck at Walmart.

   Men get more attractive with age. Women...well they just let you put it in more places.

   I'll have what she's shaving.

   Ladies, we don't really want a sandwich after sex, we just want you to get out of the bed so we can go to sleep

   My wife finally got a "Brazilian". He seems nice.

   Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit.

   It's almost as if Kanye West doesn't realize his girlfriend actually made and distributed p orn.