jdpower Funny Status Messages

   I'm thinking about buying an invisible box that they trap mimes in.

   I never did use my illusion. Is it too late?

   I hate when people put words in my mouth.. with the possible exceptions of “waffle” or “sandwich.”

   If I joined Earth, Wind & Fire, I think the element I'd want to be is Surprise.

   In retrospect, everything is foreshadowing.

   I wanted to buy a keepsake to remind me of the great food this Thanksgiving, but I think this new chin will suffice.

   These E*Trade babies probably annoy everyone in the bar when they play Golden Tee.

   I had to use my AK this afternoon.. Still, it was a good day, as I only used it to scratch my back.

   New study shows that too much Facebook leads to alcohol/drug abuse, which leads to neglecting one's imaginary sheep.

   Fox News reports that Obama visits Indonesia, one of several foreign countries where he was born.

   We need to talk, shuffle.. One Hall & Oates song is a great idea - but two in a row is completely unacceptable.

   In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man doesn't have to worry about people staring at his patch.

   Russians have grossly misunderstood roulette. Someone needs to tell them it's gambling on numbers, not maybe killing yourself.

   So we just spent $4 billion on an election about "too much spending?"

   We may be falling behind China in some ways, but our underground drug tunnels are second to none. USA!!

   In new tape, Bin Laden 'furious' that Brian Wilson has scarier beard.....

   Vegan hipsters wear ironic milk mustaches.

   "Paranormal Activity 2" - terrifying tale of suburban home that unexpectedly gets possessed by Bank of America.

   The Clitaurus is the most mysterious Jurassic-era creature to most male archaeologists.

   Today is National Oatmeal Day, or as Charlie Sheen calls it, National Cocaine and Strippers Day.