Snotty Funny Status Messages

   If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?

   Go ahead, tell a woman she can do whatever she wants, like she wasn't already.

   [Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]

   [live debate] What's your stance on gun control?.......... *poses like a Charlie's Angel.......next question

   I've been trying to leave Rome for weeks,,, but all their roads have this weird design flaw.

   If you urinate in a pair of swim goggles and strap them to your face you won't need Instagram anymore....... next question

   A good way to revoke Bill Cosby's medal of freedom would be to slip him drugs and then take it while he's unconscious...... next question

   A group of mistakes is called a life......... next question

   26 years later,, and we still haven't touched this

   If you put a rusty penny in a glass of Mountain Dew overnight,,, in the morning Abraham Lincoln will be riding a snowboard.

   [Shark Tank, 1928] Inventor: I call it Sliced Bread... My Great Grandfather: I like to decide my own bread thickness,,, and for that reason I'm out.

   My Shark Week lights are still up from last year.

   The Native Americans used every part of the iPhone,,, even the stocks app and game center.

   To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.

   "Dad?..." Yes Son?.... "Where do baby horses come from?".... Well, when a mare and a stallion are really in love… "Yes…" …and in a stable relationship…

   If you take a step back and look at the bigger picture,,,, you'll agree it seems to have been photoshopped

   The 3 second rule: Is the time between when you tell me your name,, and when I introduce myself and wonder what you said your name was

   Sorry to break it to you but,,,,, (1) I have high self esteem (2) I don't need your money; and (3) I hate drama....... So.....

   Love: When you still like someone after marriage.

   Marriage vows should include no bringing up crap that happened 8 years ago.