lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 18:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 03:51 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If sex is a pain in the arse,then you're doing it wrong.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 17:04 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:39 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw an unemployed,homeless dwarf. He had a sign that said "No job. Too small."
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 11:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon An Indian man dies and goes to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates,he meets an angel. Angel asks "Who are you here to see?". "Jesus!" the man replies. The angel then shouts "Jesus! Your taxi's here!".
←Rate | 11-26-2009 12:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Hangovers: the wrath of grapes.
←Rate | 11-25-2009 18:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon filthy,stinking rich. Well,two out of three ain't bad.
←Rate | 11-25-2009 18:52 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex,Drugs & Sausage Rolls.
←Rate | 11-25-2009 08:29 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mate is having a birthday soon. He doesn't drink,smoke or cheat on his girlfriend. I dont know how the hell we're going to celebrate it!
←Rate | 11-24-2009 12:03 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women who think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach are aiming a bit too high.
←Rate | 11-24-2009 07:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the docs the other day. He told me to stop eating so many eggs. I said " Why? Is my cholestorol that high?" . He said "No but your farts are absolutely f *cking rank!!"
←Rate | 11-24-2009 07:18 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to buy some marijuana,press the hash key now.
←Rate | 11-24-2009 06:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 3 blondes comes across some tracks. 1st blonde "Its deer tracks!" 2nd blonde "No! Dog tracks!" 3rd blonde "No! Its bear tracks!" They were still arguing when they were hit by a train.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:09 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?
←Rate | 11-23-2009 12:02 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daaaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home..
←Rate | 11-23-2009 05:03 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. All he does is eat, drink and be Mary.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 12:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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