Baddie Funny Status Messages

   The best way to avoid getting fired is to avoid getting hired.

   If you didn't want me looking in your bedroom then you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.

   I'm still trying to figure out my wife's logic from an argument we had in 2003.

   Hey you ok? I haven't seen you post a selife in like 5 minutes.

   I'll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That's what this paper says.

   It's not about the chase, it's about the kill

   You make me want to stop wearing the same jeans 3 days in a row.

   I knew my girlfriend was getting fat once she started fitting into my wife's clothes.

   How long does someone have to be in a coma before you can eat their fries?

   I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

   I am woman, hear me Blah, Blah, Blah.

   My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.

   Sorry I lied about being on the pill and now you are connected to me until you die. - WOMEN

   If you own a dog that can fit inside a handbag, you don't own a dog ... or even a pet. You own a fashion accessory that sh*ts a lot.

   Keep eating your french fries with a fork, psycho.

   That's a nice tribal tattoo you have there, caucasian man... or should I refer to your Native American name 'Man That Paddles Douche Canoe'

   Justin Bieber Charged With Criminal Assault of a limo driver! He commits a criminal assault every time he sings.

   I don't know how the Canadian anthem isn't just people apologizing.

   The problem with your relationship is, you're in a relationship.

   If there is a hell, I already know that I'm going there. So at this point of my life, it's really go big or go home.