JOser Funny Status Messages

   Yes acupuncture is an "ancient technique." Other "ancient techniques" included leeches and dying from plague. I'm good with drugs thanks.

   How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?

   Helloooo summer. How I've missed you and your lack of responsibilities...

   Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."

   girl next to me at work is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup... NICE!

   wants you to read this status... Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now bring me a beer!

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   If I just fly to Arizona without ID and let them deport me to Mexico, would it be cheaper than if I flew directly there?

   Sorry dude. My girlfriend and I had a meeting and we've decided I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

   friend request you on facebook?? woah, slow down we just met. tell me about yourself...oh, you're in the mafia AND you're a farmer? check please.

   It is a universal truth that everything you do is at least 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake anyone up.

   I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

   always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

   Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence... now go away...

   Don't be humble. You're not that great...

   There's too much blood in my caffeine system...

   found out that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission...

   I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...

   Urban Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

   I find Reality tv very educating... Every time somebody turns on a show, I go into the other room and read a book...