JOser Funny Status Messages

   Don't hate cuz I'm good; hate cuz you can't compete...

   If you don't like me remember it's mind over matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.

   Hating is the sincerest form of flattery...

   scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.

   drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha's against drunk dialing)

   My childhood self would be surprised I'm not playing with knives and fireworks, just because I can

   I should really turn my cell phone's voice recognition dialing off. I accidentally called Jesus Christ 24 times today. He's getting pissed...

   Canceled my trip to Arizona because my dog doesn't have papers...

   I am now home from what would have been a hard day had I done any work

   If i'm ever sleeping and a bunch of Zs start coming out of my head, please call a doctor.

   What do you mean I can't order a Whopper with bacon in between 2 chicken patties wrapped in a burrito? I thought this was Have It Your Way?

   If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

   Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

   Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window

   Maybe this world is another planet's hell...

   I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

   If you get mad at someone and push them down the stairs make sure it's the DOWN escalator...or you'll be there all day.

   Carry yourself like a queen and you'll attract a king. Carry yourself like a hoe and see how far you'll go.

   Interesting Factoid: Tall people earn $789 per year per inch more than shorter people.

   People's cellphone ringtones say a lot about them. Usually they say, "I'm mystified by this phone settings."