Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Your hair smells like it wants pulling.

   Party like your intervention is tomorrow.

   Everything I can't have is overrated... including you.

   You look crazy, here's my ex's number.

   I have no problem expressing my feelings. *loads shotgun*

   In another dimension, I'm happy and sane. Please don't tell my wife.

   You know who else put mushrooms on their pizza? Hitler.

   Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world. To get back from a woman.

   The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies,probably because generally they are the same people!

   All that glitters is not gold; its got daddy issues.

   My day has sucked so much I keep looking around to see if Rob Schneider is in it.

   I go to a hair salon where you can get a hand job while you get your hair cut. It's your own hand though, and you have to be very discreet.

   If you wear a tie with a short sleeve shirt you can walk into any RadioShack and start working.

   People who only sleep with one pillow are the real terrorists.

   A toothbrush. If you let a woman bring one into your house, it’s no longer your house.

   How can I get on one of these disappearing planes?

   I don’t understand ads on p0rn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”

   Every time a vending machine eats your dollar that's just Jesus telling you that you're fat.

   Ladies; If you friend zone me you have to at least change clothes in front of me like you would a gay guy. Them are the rules.

   I see dead people. No wait, I take that back. I see people I want dead.