Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first?

   Establish dominance by waiting until your wife serves the turkey and then tell her you already ate.

   I talk a lot about sex for someone who doesn’t remember it.

   Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.

   Maybe I talk to myself because I'm my own therapist

   People are so quick to think you smoke when they see a lighter in your room. Did you stop to think for a second that maybe, just maybe I use it to heat up heroin in my teaspoon Abigail?

   well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

   Business in the front, party in the back! Linda’s Accounting And Brothel Services.

   Instead of testing products on animals, how about testing on people who don’t say thank you after you hold the door open for them. Just a suggestion.

   Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything

   I am a husband. Hear me apologise for something I did in my wife's dream.

   I just cleaned my house by turning off the lights.

   I was feeling tough and manly until I realized the spider was on the inside of the window.

   Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.

   I reserve anal sex for special occasions. First dates for example.

   I’m suffering complications following my birth

   I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'll even remove your duct tape.

   I sexually identify as please stop talking to me.

   Does Facebook realize when they put us in Facebook jail, they're separating us from our families?

   My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.