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JOser Funny Status Messages
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Starting a sentence with "I don't want to sound creepy but" doesn't de-creepify the rest of the sentence.
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07-13-2010 19:58 by
Joser
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Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in.
31
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07-13-2010 19:57 by
Joser
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Officer, I was not "texting" while driving. I was "watching a movie on my iPad"
25
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07-13-2010 19:57 by
Joser
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I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
29
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07-13-2010 18:14 by
Joser
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Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome
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07-13-2010 18:13 by
Joser
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I had 99 problems but I took one down and passed it around.
18
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07-13-2010 18:13 by
Joser
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The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
17
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07-13-2010 18:12 by
Joser
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OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.
48
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07-13-2010 18:12 by
Joser
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No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.
22
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07-13-2010 18:11 by
Joser
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I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.
83
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07-13-2010 18:10 by
Joser
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Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.
67
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07-13-2010 18:09 by
Joser
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I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
20
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07-13-2010 18:09 by
Joser
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I think sharks eat people just to get on tv.
78
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07-13-2010 18:08 by
Joser
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We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are
86
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07-13-2010 18:08 by
Joser
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it 1 tap or 2 to request toilet paper from the next stall?
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07-13-2010 18:08 by
Joser
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hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye
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07-12-2010 19:49 by
Joser
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My therapist said I let other people control my emotions to much. I don't think that's true at all, what do you think?
60
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07-12-2010 18:47 by
Joser
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F to the you to the C to the K pretty much sums up my day
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07-12-2010 18:44 by
Joser
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Let's just call the iPhone what it really is: The Toilet Book Pro
10
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07-12-2010 17:04 by
Joser
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Hey, someone finally won! Celebrate irresponsibly.
5
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07-12-2010 11:41 by
Joser
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