Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Now I totally understand why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up!

   Cigarettes take 50 years to kill you. I'm more worried about the stuff that does it quickly like sharks, lightning, women or flamethrowers.

   Office crime is real people! I was just held up at PowerPoint.

   Thanks, Michael Douglas, for ruining the ONLY time I'm not worrying about cancer.

   Pants are for people with something to hide.

   One of the worst things that can happen to you is closing a tab by mistake and you don't know which website was it on.

   "No, officer, I wasn't driving with my eyes closed. I'm part-Chinese."

   A bottle of wine and I still have feelings. Time for whiskey.

   All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don't subject an innocent cat to a life with you.

   Fact: You're not a true vegan unless you tell 10 people every day

   This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I'm not your boyfriend.

   My idea of the perfect workout is not working out.

   If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

   I really dont understand why I’m still a virgin when I have never watched any Twilight Movie or bought any Justin Bieber Album in my whole life.

   You women are beautiful creatures I love you all , but by god you scare the sh*t out of me with the way you feed on souls and happiness.

   You say pervert with a telescope. I say biological astronomer.

   It's totally ok to create a Facebook account for your pet, provided you have severe mental retardation.

   Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.

   Maybe if you tried educating yourself as much as you try getting those abs people will like you more.

   Stevie Wonder's housekeepers probably don't do a damn thing all day long.