doc noland Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but none in the stink.
←Rate | 11-28-2011 14:58 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just pushed out a fart that sounded like a toddler screaming into a kazoo
←Rate | 11-28-2011 14:57 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dating profile: "Doc. 36. I hate long walks on the beach. I like alphaghetti and buttplay." Good, right?
←Rate | 11-27-2011 11:08 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'Tis the season to trick myself into thinking going this long without getting laid was actually my New Year's resolution...still single
←Rate | 11-26-2011 13:28 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what's more disturbing than the tears of a clown? That would be the semen of a clown.
←Rate | 11-25-2011 23:04 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon This country wasn't built on rock and roll, Ford trucks, or even good old hard work, this country was built on cheeseburgers.
←Rate | 11-25-2011 13:09 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those first few seconds where it could be Bowie or Vanilla Ice is my 'Nam.
←Rate | 11-25-2011 13:07 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for *after* photos.
←Rate | 11-24-2011 10:24 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet The Kardashians' have a ton of leftover white meat on Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-23-2011 14:26 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry folks, but until I get laid, I'm not thankful for s&!t this year.
←Rate | 11-23-2011 13:13 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys do a pretty good impression of a meerkat whenever a pretty girl walks into a crowded bar.
←Rate | 11-23-2011 13:08 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon #OccupySesameStreet 1 bankers' corruption! Ah ah ah! 2 big too fail! Ah ah ah! 3 million foreclosures Ah ah ah!
←Rate | 11-23-2011 12:22 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good thing it's not really like the bees, otherwise men would die shortly after sticking it in.
←Rate | 11-23-2011 01:15 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cat stole my chair but I didn't want to move him because he looked so comfy so all I could do was pepper-spray him right in the face.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 23:51 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you plan your own birthday party, you really don't have that much to celebrate.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 01:08 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon My definition of clean living is mixing my Jack and Coke with my pinky since it's touched less gross stuff than my other fingers.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 01:00 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got the Moo-oo-ooves Like J. Edgar
←Rate | 11-17-2011 16:59 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon NOT ONE of the mannequins at Victoria Secret has an anatomically correct back passage.
←Rate | 11-17-2011 15:21 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm walking in the dark I widen my eyes as if making them bigger will make me see better.
←Rate | 11-10-2011 10:56 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know the NCAA won't punish the Penn St. football program unless Sandusky gave his victim's dad a free car.
←Rate | 11-10-2011 01:46 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  




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