JOser Funny Status Messages

   My pants are on the no-fly list.

   Seis De Mayo, Spanish for, Hungover...

   Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

   I've created a Facebook group called "Threesome" and invited two girls. Now just waiting and see what happens..

   Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off...

   It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

   Welcome To Sh*t Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

   Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.

   It's Cinco de Mayo! Or, as they call it in Arizona, "May fifth let me see your papers."

   Got carded for a box of Nicorette. I guess they don't want you to quit using tobacco until you're over 18...

   I know I looked like a complete idiot on that wedding video but the camera adds 10 drinks.

   Even if your life was a total waste of space, there's always hope that you'll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.

   I hate to sound so skeptical but I'm starting to think that The Office isn't a real documentary.

   Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...

   Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

   Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

   I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot

   I am used but in good condition

   Why is it that everyone is either trying to preserve or disprove who they were in highschool? We were all a bunch of midget dipsh*ts making minimum wage covered in pimples

   KFC is donating money towards breast cancer. They don't want anything killing their customers except heart disease.