Baddie Funny Status Messages

   For every cigarette you smoke God takes away 1 year of your life and gives it to Hugh Hefner.

   If only life was as easy as getting fat.

   People who don't return the favour during oral sex are the real terrorists.

   If cats could deliver pizza, I would be pretty much done with all human interaction.

   All of me wants none of you.

   I'm not shy. I was just trying to not offend you. But if you insist...

   You had me at, "Why do people keep asking me,what kind meds am I on?"

   Oh...wow, my wife gives great hand jobs while she's sleeping.

   How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?

   Hello 911? Yeah, my wife accidentally fell off a cruise ship 3 months ago

   Nothing saves money like being antisocial.

   Over thinking. Ruining great ideas since women began.

   Have you tried checking her purse for your balls?

   It's okay to hate happy people.

   All you need to find true love is a gun, some rope and duct tape.

   Forget the universe, think of how insignificant you are on Facebook.

   I can only take selfies because I'm alonies

   People who tell you something then they say "nevermind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers.

   People that think they know you better than you know yourself, is the reason why throat punching was invented

   I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I'm not a good liar.