Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   How to spot single girls: If you hit on her and a man beats you, she has a boyfriend. If you hit her and she pepper sprays you, she's single.

   Women just don't get it, That men just don't get it.

   “Go out there and get your ass kicked by Steven Seagul” - Script for everyone else in a Steven Seagal movie.

   Not to brag or anything, but my bank balance is over $100k (the k is silent).

   Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.

   twerking just shaking your ass? Why did we need a new word? Ass-shaking has served us well for centuries.

   If you like her, tell her. Don't friendzone yourself. Have some balls. Be a man.

   "Let me put you in a better mood" - vodka

   What if they made a Kindle that doesn't run out of battery? Like, a book.

   Yes girl you can cook, give great head, have a great sense of fashion, are kind, beautiful, sexy, and have a great smile but can you twerk?

   We used to watch the news to find out the truth. If you're looking for the truth now, the last thing you'd want to watch is the news.

   Hell hath no fury like a Facebook friend deleted and blocked.

   Fellas; If your fiancé designs her own engagement ring, prepare for a life of sex on your birthday and holidays only.

   If Internet Explorer has the balls to ask you to set it as your default browser, don’t tell me that you don’t have the guts to ask her out.

   Stay in that position I just got a Facebook Notification.

   Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.

   Don't litter your chaos and drama all over other people's lives.

   My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.

   Pets are so easy to love. They are honest and react to kindness without wanting to know what's in your bank. Humans could take a lesson.

   Hey douchebag. Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent