lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I just harvested my crops, killed a Mafia Don, fed my fish and deleted my Facebook account
←Rate | 02-14-2010 06:29 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon God. I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
←Rate | 02-14-2010 06:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not an official disaster until Bono sings about it.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 12:40 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A text from my mate : "I'm guaranteed to shag the missus up the bum this weekend. She's dyslexic and think's it's Vaseline's Day."
←Rate | 02-13-2010 11:36 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon England's oldest postman retired today after 40 years in the service. Friends and family lined up to wish him good luck in his retirement. He told them to go to the next window.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 04:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
←Rate | 02-12-2010 22:14 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to know when they're in big trouble.
←Rate | 02-12-2010 13:22 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.
←Rate | 02-12-2010 05:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks to modern medicine, people can be sexually active long past the age when anyone wants to see them naked.
←Rate | 02-11-2010 19:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows
←Rate | 02-11-2010 19:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.
←Rate | 02-11-2010 07:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When she asked me "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me awhile to realize it wasn't a Facebook quiz.
←Rate | 02-10-2010 20:24 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..
←Rate | 02-10-2010 20:15 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.
←Rate | 02-10-2010 07:22 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I taught my dog to beg today. He came back with £12.75.
←Rate | 02-10-2010 03:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.
←Rate | 02-09-2010 20:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Farmville? Meh..just wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville"..
←Rate | 02-09-2010 02:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon February. It's not a leap year, but feel free to take a flying one anyway.
←Rate | 02-08-2010 14:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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