JOser Funny Status Messages

   Do they call him Prime Minister because you can't divide him up into multiple smaller ministers?

   Cant believe why jews didn't come up with "my mind on my money and my money on my mind."

   Can you imagine how painful walking would be if we all had foot balls?

   you know what works better than a rape whistle? a rape pistol.

   I'm not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.

   It's a shame how so many of you have such nice, expensive, in many cases even brand new cars and yet the turn signals don't seem to work.

   If it weren't for my feet I don't know how I'd ever shut the car door.

   Do I even want to know how one would contract herpes of the eye?

   I am anxious about how much Xanax I'm taking.

   Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker...

   Somebody slipped a hangover in my drink last night

   Playboy in 3-D! Take that, 18 billion hours of free, readily available Internet porn.

   Dear gigantic flock of birds chirping loudly in the parking lot sh*ting all over my car, There's still more north left... Go annoy Canada...

   Criticism is the best sign you're onto something.

   Why do people insist on speaking to me? It pretty much never goes well.

   Does the Five Second Rule apply to beer?

   This could be the best day ever... but it isn't. Again

   The thing that makes learning how to use chopsticks so difficult is that the longer you don't know how, the soggier your cereal gets.

   Saw the mystery machine from Scooby Doo driving on the highway. Is this real life?

   I just saw a man disconnect his oxygen tank before he lit his cigarette. Safety first.