doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Am I an a55hole because the cruise ship thing doesn't seem like a big deal? I mean, there's some rocks RIGHT THERE!

   "Lets talk about safe IPs. Let's talk about piracy. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things on your PC."

   I woke up humping the wall of my pillow fort, in case you were wondering how my s@x life is going.

   Judging from Axl Rose's physique, Paradise City has green grass, pretty girls and an abundance of Twinkies.

   Anti-obesity ads featuring fat kids are causing controversy in Georgia. Unfortunately, none of them are forced to to the "truffle shuffle."

   "We found lunch in a homeless place" - Rihanna in a soup kitchen

   MTV has proven that the recent rise in teenage pregnancy has reallyyyyy changed the definition of a MILF

   Just told a cardboard box to "p!ss up a rope," so that's where I'm at as a person today.

   The way to a man's heart is about eight inches inside of anything.

   Fifty bucks says I make way more unnecessary noises than you.

   The most inappropriate time to tell someone they have the "Moves Like Jagger" is during a seizure.

   I wish I could dance like a black guy. Or have epilepsy. Either way.

   Alcohol-The best night time:slurring,headache,dehydration,drink spilling, charm killing,so you think you can dance"medicine."

   I don't think we can be friends if you're not mentally & physically prepared to play my gen!tals like a naughty game of "Bop it".

   Perhaps right after spending five minutes trying to rub the comma off my keyboard is the time to decide to stop eating over my laptop.

   Probably won't see War Horse. I'd definitely think about seeing a movie titled Skirmish Pony.

   I've decided the best way to proceed in life from here on out is by walking around rubbing my n!pples and talking in the Fat B@st@rd voice.

   I just invented "5-hour Energy Popsicle" and now my nose won't stop bleeding and I'm seeing ghosts.

   If men never decided to overlook the emotional craziness of women, humans would become extinct.

   I can tell I'm getting older because I need flaxseed, coffee, fiber supplements, a laptop, an iPod and a smartphone in order to take a poop.