Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Men are born with a gene that allows them to know what the hell is going on in movies.

   "Let me make your morning" - coffee

   ME: Siri, where did my year go? SIRI: "See Facebook"

   In a perfect world, men would get the silent treatment anytime they requested it.

   Let's just have sex.. I don't need another friend.

   No Officer, that's medicinal gasoline and matches.

   Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.

   Can't believe people still go to the gym when they can just post it as their status and go have ice cream instead.

   I can't relate to people who "forget to eat"

   Stop, drop and roll won't work in hell.

   Clark Kent’s mask is a pair of glasses? And no one recognised him? I wore glasses to the job I was fired from and I was still kicked out.

   I'm an adult, but not "pay my bills on time" adult.

   This is actually Kanye West's second marriage, as he's been divorced from reality for many years now.

   Be the change you wish the homeless people didn't know you had

   Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing

   I'm available if you wanna dance with somebody or wanna feel the heat with somebody... just sayin.

   You can't fix stupid but you can avoid dating it.

   I like to hit snooze from the back.

   When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.

   Laziness is a dish best served delivered.