Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.

   I find it funny how people throw around inspirational stuff like ‘live your life to the fullest’ after they've spent the entire day on Facebook.

   I'm so hungry I could eat a whole bottle of whiskey

   Women have designer purses because they need something stylish to carry their crazy in.

   I'm bored but not "correct people's grammar on Facebook" bored.

   Every day that I don't die is the best day of my life.

   Never cut off the minivans, they have nothing to live for.

   It's like my date doesn't even care about some of the core problems that faced the software development industry in the mid 90's

   If it wasn't for sex, I would have quit being a grown-up a long time ago.

   G.I.R.L on the Internet is 'Guy In Real Life.'

   I'm so drunk I almost answered my phone.

   Money and traditional infidelity are still the top 2 reasons for divorce but Facebook can't be far behind.

   Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.

   I saw a man with a pony tail running down the street so I’m guessing there’s an angry iguana somewhere waiting to be fed its dinner.

   It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.

   You would think there would be at least one extraterrestrial in a Miss Universe contest.

   Liquor stores should deliver to do their part to help with the drunk driving problem.

   My neighbour's cat just menacingly hissed at me for stroking it. Now I finally know how married men feel.

   I just want to be with someone who isn't crazy but unfortunately I'm only attracted to women.

   I only have two feelings, it's either "I'm hungry" or "I shouldn't have eaten this much"